Paradox
by StupidityNowOffersWisdom
Summary: Mikan has been gone for years, into the Labyrinth Mansion. The people who were once around her start to question the absurdity of life. Oneshot collection; hiatus.
1. Questioning 1

**Paradox**

**K-O-K-O-R-O-Y-O-M-I**  
><em>The Beast Inside of my Heart<em>

Her eyes shine bright as Hyuuga-kun stalks in, her fangirl side showing oh-so-blatantly.

I wish it was never like that.

I don't hate Hyuuga-kun.

It's just that I've fallen for her.

I wonder, what people would say if they knew I loved her.

* * *

><p>I took a guess.<p>

And I was right.

"I knew it! The idiot's in Sumire-chan's evil secret plan to get Natsume-sama's attention! She has openly committed treason against the Natsume Ruka Fanclub!" Usami screeched, glaring at Sumire after I had confessed.

* * *

><p>And then, it shattered.<p>

The familiar tranquil trance I was now getting used to.

But it's my fault.

Because I can't control this burning feeling.

* * *

><p>Because I don't know how I can speak again.<p>

I hate this.

If only Mikan-chan was here.

Maybe she would have given some kind of advice.

Some kind of comfort.

But she's not here.

* * *

><p>And my heart feels like it's being squeezed.<p>

Squeezed until it feels like any moment later, it's gonna burst, and whatever emotion hidden in there will charge forth, rampaging my body.

And possessing it.

* * *

><p>I do wonder. I wonder what would have happened if Mikan was still here.<p>

Would this have happened?

Would I have stopped pranking and started focusing on my studies?

Would I have stopped using my Alice so often, especially on the others, namely Sumire and Kitsu?

Would I have ended up like this?


	2. Questioning 2

**Paradox**

**N-O-G-I_R-U-K-A  
><strong>_Staying Strong_

I glance at Imai as her camera flash flashes brightly.

She's been acting off.

As if she's disconcerted with Sakura's disappearance.

* * *

><p>It's been three years.<p>

And only this year has she started acting weirdly.

She's been eating less.

And I've been noticing her more.

Is it because she, other than Natsume, is the last tie to Sakura?

Or is it the hormonal stages of adolescence?

* * *

><p>And I wonder; what would have truly happened with Sakura around.<p>

Nevertheless, I have to stay strong.

For Natsume. For Sakura. For Imai.

For the rest of the Academy.

Because I want Sakura to have a chance. A fighting chance to keep us safe.

To let Imai smile.

Because the disappearance of Sakura Mikan will never be forgotten.


	3. Questioning 3

**Paradox**

**I-M-A-I_H-O-T-A-R-U**  
><em>Me, Without Her<em>

She steps into the room, cold aura surrounding her. It matters not that she is the Blackmailing Queen.

_For anything that exists now matters not._

She has depleted into nothing.

Like a lake without a dam. A bottle without a stopper.

Without _Mikan._

_Her_ best friend.

_The person_ who sacrificed herself for the sake of the Academy War to 'end'.

_The only person_ who at least made her smile; sadistically, at least. But now... She didn't _even_ smile cruelly while blackmailing Nogi.

_No, not at all._

She is nothing without Mikan.

Her rock, her best friend; her_ limiter_.

Because she can't control herself without her.

_Much like an addict playing Touhou 6 ~ Embodiment of Scarlet Devil Extra Stage on Lunatic._

_Madness._

_Madness._

_Madness!_

She could feel the insanity pouring into her veins, unrelenting. Without limits.

They were stretching her to her limits.

_Without Mikan._

_Mikan._

_Mikan._

_Mikan!_

Where was she, anyway?

Last time she had heard from Masachika, Mikan was within the Labyrinth Mansion.

_Yet Hyuuga could get to her, and I couldn't._

_**I was always better than that pathetic cousin of mine!**_

She banged her head against the table in frustration.

_And when exactly did I become like this?_

She let out a blood-curdling scream as she twisted the screwdriver into her latest invention.

_**Why, of all people, did Mikan have to be taken away?**_

She slammed invention 1248 on the table, cracks appearing on it from the intense pressure.

_Then what the Hell am I living for now, anyway?_

_To save Mikan?_

_Not bloody likely._

_Not even Masachika or Azumi-san could save her._

_They all sacrificed so much._

_**Just for her to be taken away.**_

_**To be tortured by Ku-on-fricking-ji.**_

She hated it. She ab-so-fricking-lutely hated being powerless.

_I am the Blackmailing Queen!_

_I can do __**anything.**_

_And beating up a hopeless Principal ain't gonna be hard._

_**And I will save Mikan.**_

_**I will.**_

_But for now... What exactly am I living for?_

_I know naught._


End file.
